How can you cope with being single, and even enjoy it? Is it possible to go through your day to day life without a partner and be happy?
I know people that would rather die than be single – they
jump directly from one relationship into another, without a breath or second
thought. One friend, tired of her
present relationship started seeking a new partner before she left the old one,
just to avoid being alone.
l live in suburbia, where the majority of people are
couples. On my street I am almost the status of a leper, a social outcast for being single. Women send their husbands indoors when single women come over to say hello. Really, this happens. I find it funny that long time married women
have to concern themselves that their husbands will wander from their marriage
some twenty or thirty years, or even fifty years later.
Yes, there are down sides to being single. You sleep alone (some may consider this a
benefit!), you get left out of lunches, dances, and other social events,
especially at holidays. People in your
life seem to forget you.
You get lonely sometimes being single and wonder if you have
to do therapy—that there is something so terribly wrong with you, you cannot
find a decent date. You lower your
standards, and it only gets worse.
You try online dating, and again, it seems that all your
friends have met partners easily online.
But for some reason you only attract losers.
Meeting someone you
will love is a process, even though it seems when you meet the right person
it happens instantly. There is an ebb and flow in life, and
sometime you may find yourself alone-divorced, widowed, abandoned.
Forcing yourself to be happy and or starting a relationship
just to be in love with love is self-defeating. You will end up unhappier than
before. And the grass is not necessarily
greener on the other side of the street.
Being married has its own set of issues and problems. The
key is to be happy in whatever situation you find yourself presently in.
Here are some steps to being happily single:
1. Look for love
in all the wrong places. It is a cliché,
but true. If you open your eyes you will
find that there is love and kindness in your day all day long. A checker in the grocery store may be
especially nice, complimentary, or notice how you are. You may meet an old friend and chat it up, or
start a conversation with a stranger that feels magical. Your nail tech gives you an especially nice
foot massage, or you meet new people in yoga, woodworking, or a dance class
that reach out to you.
We average contact with about 250 people each day in
lives. Seems unbelievable, but once you
pay attention, you will see how many people you do come across daily, even if
you do not speak to all of them.
A corollary: if you
are not meeting people you like, try doing the opposite of what you normally do
daily. Try a new restaurant, route,
library, park, etc.
2. Take time to relax, travel, pamper yourself. The ebb is an opportunity to do what you
want, when you want, how you want. The
husband/wife that you kept you from doing what you wanted is no longer
there. You can buy yourself those
expensive shoes, and even buy yourself flowers.
Why wait for someone else to take you to a nice lunch or dinner, take
yourself on that date.
3. Be happy with yourself. This is a no brainer, but hard to do. Self-acceptance will free you to be yourself
and you will project out a beautiful energy that naturally attracts others.
4. Live in the moment. This is the most important
step of all. Living moment to moment
helps you see that your life is really great, even while you are single. When you are not thinking or worrying about
the past, or the future, then great joy is yours, right here and right
now. And don't be surprised if you
create a life others will be envious of.
